Are We Micromanaging our Kids Today?
Technology has enabled parents to watch their kids play at daycare, check grades and conduct marks on a daily basis, and determine whether their school-aged kids are getting to school and classes on time. But is there such a thing as too much instant information?
While today's parents have a much easier job of knowing what their kids are doing and where they are, thanks to technological advancements, some argue that we've gone too far in the helicopter hovering of tracking every grade, activity and movement of our children. We watch our kids on nannycams and daycare-provided webcam sites, provide our youngsters with cell phones to stay connected when apart, check grades on a daily (sometimes even hourly) basis so that we know test results even before our kids do, monitor internet sites and email, and put on tracking systems onto teens' first cars. And while parents maintain that there is no such thing as too much information, some experts disagree.
This instant access to information can offset the balance and trust between parent and child, where kids learn to be accountable for their own actions and responsible for grades and behaviors at school. Parents sometimes lose sight of the need to build independence and consequences at a younger age by techno-sleuthing on their child's every move, test, and communications. In other words, parents forget to "balance" the information they are able to obtain with enabling their children to increasingly manage their own lives. This technology connection keeps parents front and center in a child's life long after it is time for the umbilical cord to be cut, so to speak. The result is that kids are not really experiencing failure and consequences when they should because of overprotective and overzealous parents who are consumed with making it all right for their child.
This "hyperawareness" as is it is often referenced can often erode a child's confidence in decisions and trust between parent and child, because conversations can easily go from interactive to defensive. For example: "How was your school day today?," mom asks. "Fine," says the child. "Fine? You call getting a 65 in your math class fine?," says the mom. "I didn't get my math test back today," says the child. "How do you know what I made?" You can imagine how the conversation goes from there. A similar conversation can just as easily happen with a preschooler at daycare, when dad catches his child acting inappropriately toward another peer or not sharing toys. Letting a child (or teacher, if appropriate) first approach the parent about the behavior and any planned actions or disciplinary consequences keeps the balance instead of the parent leading the charge from what was viewed from the webcam.
Even if parents have access to all this information, they should share their knowledge carefully, and allow their child to "own" their grades and their choices, and then be given the chance to come to their parents for advice or assistance. That way, a child still feels empowered and have the ability to make choices and decisions. This lets kids be kids while parents can parent without hovering and micromanaging every step of the way.
Of course, that doesn't mean that parents should tell kids that they are watching. There may even be times when parents SHOULD intervene and not wait for kids to take that first step. But, before you lead the charge, consider the benefits vs. the drawbacks, and make an informed and level-headed decision. Information is a key to power, but power should be managed properly to maintain and open, honest and interactive relationship with your child.
While today's parents have a much easier job of knowing what their kids are doing and where they are, thanks to technological advancements, some argue that we've gone too far in the helicopter hovering of tracking every grade, activity and movement of our children. We watch our kids on nannycams and daycare-provided webcam sites, provide our youngsters with cell phones to stay connected when apart, check grades on a daily (sometimes even hourly) basis so that we know test results even before our kids do, monitor internet sites and email, and put on tracking systems onto teens' first cars. And while parents maintain that there is no such thing as too much information, some experts disagree.
This instant access to information can offset the balance and trust between parent and child, where kids learn to be accountable for their own actions and responsible for grades and behaviors at school. Parents sometimes lose sight of the need to build independence and consequences at a younger age by techno-sleuthing on their child's every move, test, and communications. In other words, parents forget to "balance" the information they are able to obtain with enabling their children to increasingly manage their own lives. This technology connection keeps parents front and center in a child's life long after it is time for the umbilical cord to be cut, so to speak. The result is that kids are not really experiencing failure and consequences when they should because of overprotective and overzealous parents who are consumed with making it all right for their child.
This "hyperawareness" as is it is often referenced can often erode a child's confidence in decisions and trust between parent and child, because conversations can easily go from interactive to defensive. For example: "How was your school day today?," mom asks. "Fine," says the child. "Fine? You call getting a 65 in your math class fine?," says the mom. "I didn't get my math test back today," says the child. "How do you know what I made?" You can imagine how the conversation goes from there. A similar conversation can just as easily happen with a preschooler at daycare, when dad catches his child acting inappropriately toward another peer or not sharing toys. Letting a child (or teacher, if appropriate) first approach the parent about the behavior and any planned actions or disciplinary consequences keeps the balance instead of the parent leading the charge from what was viewed from the webcam.
Even if parents have access to all this information, they should share their knowledge carefully, and allow their child to "own" their grades and their choices, and then be given the chance to come to their parents for advice or assistance. That way, a child still feels empowered and have the ability to make choices and decisions. This lets kids be kids while parents can parent without hovering and micromanaging every step of the way.
Of course, that doesn't mean that parents should tell kids that they are watching. There may even be times when parents SHOULD intervene and not wait for kids to take that first step. But, before you lead the charge, consider the benefits vs. the drawbacks, and make an informed and level-headed decision. Information is a key to power, but power should be managed properly to maintain and open, honest and interactive relationship with your child.
