The Price of Neighbor Kid Care

Consider Rewards, Responsibility and Grocery Bills

Have you ever noticed how a particular house becomes the "hang out of choice" in a neighborhood? While it's somewhat comforting for parents to know that what their kids are doing, watching, playing, and yes, even eating, it can take its toll on the family's grocery budget when hungry and thirsty kids are always over at your house to play. So, do the pros outweigh the cons of being everyone's home-away-from-home? Here are things to consider to keep the revolving door of youngsters a positive experience without feeling taken advantage of.

• Treat other kids like you treat your own when it comes to snacks and drinks. Most parents don't allow unlimited snackfests with their own kids, but then turn out the hospitality when other children come over. The downside to this is that you're creating a mixed message that encourages your kids to have kids over all the time because they get better and/or more frequent treats. If your kids are allowed one snack and soft drink, then make it the same for all. If your children are only allowed to munch on fruit and milk or juice, then don't make an exception just because other children are over.



• Teach your kids the rules and how to act as a host/hostess. If you have certain rules about eating and snacking, then be sure to inform your kids of them and indicate any exceptions. Make them assume responsibility with their friends by assigning them the host/hostess duty. Kids will easily accept that they are limited to certain snack items as long as they understand the expectations.



• If you have certain items that are off-limits to being shared, then be sure to specify this. One parent was getting increasingly angry because his favorite soft drink was always consumed by teens, and he had problems with buying it all the time and never having it available. The problem was solved with a one-minute conversation in that kids are not allowed to have drinks that are on "Dad's shelf." Anything else was fair game. Once that simple rule was stated, dad is happy and is agreeable to purchasing other food/drink items for kids.



• Specify standing safety rules and supervision requirements. One mom lamented that while she loved having her daughter's friends over, she felt that it kept her from doing tasks that she really wanted and needed to do because of supervision needs. She didn't have time to watch them on the trampoline, she whined. The solution? Easy! Indicate that one day a week she will watch her child and friends on the trampoline; any other day the trampoline is off-limits. Her daughter was fine with this new rule, and the mom was much more receptive to having guests come over in the future.



• Don't expect your child's friends to "know" the house rules. Different households have different requirements about snacks on the couch, shoes worn on carpet, bouncing on the bed, or putting a toy up before a new one is gotten out. Whatever your rules are, just let others know. It's not fair to the kids to get in trouble over something they did at your house when it's allowed at theirs. (Doing something anyway after being told it's not part of your house rules is an entirely different story.)



• Create expectations that kids will be sent home if house rules are not followed. If a child is old enough to come over and play, then he is old enough to understand that inappropriate behavior, fighting, hitting, or excessive whining are all reasons to be sent home. You can simply indicate that your child and his/her friend are unable to play by the house rules today and that another attempt on another day will hopefully have better results. Then keep to it. Kids will learn that getting along and not disrespecting your house are requirements to playing together at your home.



• Don't become the neighborhood free sitter. Kids playing together is a fun time for all, and parents often enjoy it as much as the kids. But there is a difference between invited guests who want to play together and parents sending a child over to your house so they can run a few errands. Unless this arrangement is agreed to in advance, or neighbors willingly swap these play dates so some free time can be grabbed, it will be easy to get taken advantage of. And once it starts, it often becomes hard to stop.



• Set time limits on play if you have a schedule to keep. Parents often welcome a child into a home to play without setting an end time. When a family has no other commitments, then this practice is fine. But, if you have to be somewhere in 3 hours, then be sure to inform the parent and child that you welcome the play date for a certain time period. Too often, parents scramble to get a child home, only to find no one answering the door and then feeling "stuck" with having an extra child for a longer time period than intended.



• Enjoy your kids and their friends. Above all, watch your child interact with friends and celebrate their emerging social skills. It can be a fun bonding experience!