It's sometimes hard to think about, but a parent's ultimate job is to raise kids in a way so that they are not needed. In other words, parents should work themselves out of a job. Raising independent, self-motivated kids leads to the same traits with adults. Here are some tips for developing independent actions.
More Child Care Quick Tips
- Start now. Beginning in their toddler years, kids should be encouraged to make choices about their lives. It could be as simple as which shoes to put on or whether the white sweater or red one will look best with blue pants, but kids should be encouraged to develop opinions for themselves. Parents can help to structure the choices so that all options are satisfactory to them. Too many choices can also be overwhelming, so limit choices to a couple of selections in very young children.
- Let your kids experience consequences. As children mature, parents should help children to understand the impact of their choices, and that they must face the consequence of decisions made. And, as hard as it is sometimes, parents should avoid manipulating the answer. Sometimes, you might just have to look the other way if your child pairs mis-matches clothing or picks shoes that don't look right. The key is that if a child is safe and comfortable, it is okay.
- Avoid being over-controlling. Parents should help to nurture creative thoughts and guide good decision making--not be the ultimate ogre. Give your kids room to think for themselves. It's okay if a girl hates the color pink or if a boy opts a plain blue bedspread over action heroes or Sponge Bob. Be sure not to try and relive bad decisions you made or regrets you've experienced through your own kids. If your child absolutely hates taking dance and every week is a battle, perhaps ballet lessons are not the answer. Your kids have opinions and ideas. Let them experience them for themselves under your guidance.
- Avoid "buying" good deeds. Most parents treat their kids to occasional rewards for good actions or smart decisions. But, be careful about going overboard, so that kids are not motivated to make good decisions or do their best without a treat at the end. Kids should learn that the best reward to being self-motivated is the positive feeling or success that comes as a result.
- Don't over-heap the praise. Compliments and praise are a part of positive parenting and help with a child's self-esteem. But some parents take it too far, turning every action and decision made by a child into a spectacle. Don't make this mistake. If your child does a great job, say so! But, if your child doesn't do his best--and parents know when it is and when it isn't--a child needs encouragement and gentle encouragement to be self-motivated to try harder and do better.
- Ask your child what she wants, and be prepared to listen. Parents often "assume" they know what a child wants, and may be surprised at what kids really do want. Maybe your child really doesn't want to spend the afternoon at the park, and instead wants to go for a walk. Or, maybe she just wants to curl up with a good book in your lap. By providing choices, and then going with a child's decision, parents are encouraging children to think for themselves and become more independent.
